Sun Rise, Sun Set

Christmas Eve was a day off for me. So, I decided to stay in bed and do nothing. It has been a long time. I woke up early in the morning as usual. It was still dark. I was uploading pictures via a very slow dial-up connection. Gradually, the sky was lighter and lighter. I was still in bed, chatting with a friend of mine online. Then, the sky started to turn dark. Time flies, but at the same time, I felt that time was just repeating itself: day and night.

What would happen when we do not have the calendar system? What would happen if we do not know how to track time? Will we feel the rush to accomplish certain things at a certain point of our life? Be at certain place at a certain time? Will my parents wonder why I am not married by now? Will people know that they are getting old and how old they are? How will they measure age, by mental state or by physical appearance? Seriously, how would people do it? Will there be something called “age appropriate”?

Occupational Sickness

Last weekend, I was asked to help with car shopping at a car dealership. I was told to look over the paperwork and assist in the negotiation process. After five hours of back and forth, an agreement was reached. We negotiated on the financing terms instead of the price of the car. I read through the sales agreement. We were told that we could not see the finance manager before we signed a piece of paper acknowledging that the initial investment was non-refundable. I asked many questions regarding the backwardness of agreeing on the purchase price before we read the financing terms. However, we were told not to worry. It was just a procedure.

Bad mistake. When we met the finance manager, he threw something very different at us. After all these hours, things are still not right?! I was outraged. Normally, I am a very easy going person. They just do not know that being on my bad side would be very unfortunate. I draw a line on trust. The moment that I do not think someone is trustworthy, no matter whether a person is intentionally deceiving or a person is unintentionally careless, I would tighten all strings.

I had a fit with the finance manager. I insisted that they had to honor the financing terms because those were what we agreed on. Obviously, the finance manager used that piece of signed purchase agreement and said we agreed on that purchase price. Then, I made the sales person and the sales manager sit with me until I finished going through the papers and making them put whatever terms I thought were missing. I told them, “No one is going anywhere until I am satisfied.” We ended up staying there until after store hours.

All of a sudden, I understand why I was asked to help. Calculating, understanding financing terms, and following through complicated contracts are the traits/side products of being an actuarial consultant. I would not rest until I understand how things work. I would not stop until I know that things are done right. I could be relentless about details. Very often, I do not even trust other professional’s work. I know things are usually not perfect. I know where things can go wrong. After all, we are human. We are bound to make mistake.

Is it good or bad? Sometimes, I would rather be a simple minded individual. I wish I do not need to turn into this calculating and mean person all the time. It is tiring to be on guard all the time. Wouldn’t the world be wonderful if everyone knows how to do his/her own job?

Duncan McNeill

In the 80’s, I watched Twilight Zone every Sunday night. There were several episodes that stay in my brain through out the years. One of them was about a teenage boy in modern age and a teenage girl in the pilgrim era. Both the boy and the girl were sick. They lived in the same house, just different time period. For some reason, they were able to communicate. I vaguely remember the teenage boy with glasses. In my mind, he was very handsome. That was why he stayed in my mind.

One day many years later, I was surfing the net. I wanted to buy a box of DVDs of Twilight Zone broadcasted in the 80’s. I have not seen the original series, so I did not care much about the original black and white set. Then, I decided to look for that particular episode. One web site posted the screen shots. I looked at the picture of the teenage boy. In disbelief, I was not sure if that was the same adorable teenager that I could recall. I said to myself, “Huh? I fell for him when I was a kid?! How can that be? No way!” Looking further in the web site, I found out he was the Duncan McNeill in Start Trek! Again, I looked at his pictures as an adult. Hey, he is not bad looking at all as an adult. Even though I do not find the young McNeill cute anymore, I think he is quite attractive as an adult. I guess this is part of growing up.

Memory can play so many tricks on me. This is one fine example. Sometimes, I wonder if I dare to go over the old pictures of the boys that I used to like and considered cutie pies. Would I be shocked at my judgment in the past? Should I criticize my taste in the past? Probably not.

Mr. McNeill's website: http://www.robertduncanmcneill.net/

David Brudnoy Died

I have been listening to David Brudnoy’s talk show every night when I was driving home. It might sound very corny, but he was one of those people who made me think of a wide range of issues. This guy was very well rounded and intelligent. This guy had lived a full life. (BU is fortunate to have him as a professor.) In a way, he inspired me or confirmed my belief that I should gain as much experience as I can in my life time.

http://wbz1030.com/topstories/topstoriesbos_story_343145722.html

I also remember an episode of the sitcom Fraiser. Fraiser was trying to write his own obituary, and he realized that he had not done much on what he envisioned himself to achieve by the end of his life. I am thinking... Maybe one should go through a similar exercise and see where he/she is at and where he/she should go in life. Instead of keep saying we don't know anything prospectively, why not try to retrospective approach? What do you think? What do you want others to remember you for?

Leave a Message

A month or two ago, I met someone. After our first lunch, he asked for my phone number. Not knowing this person, I was reluctant to give him my mobile phone number. However, he seemed to be a very fun guy. I thought giving out my land line signified that I was comfortable enough. My number giving rationale is: mobile phone for close loved ones and home phone for folks not yet at the insider level. Similar to the speed dial episode in Seinfeld, acquaintances would need to move up the rank over time.

One day, I came home and saw an unfamiliar caller id with no message. A few days later, I saw another strange caller id, again, no message. Eventually, I put the two together and suspected that it was the new guy with whom I had lunch. I have an answering machine at home for people to leave me messages. Why didn’t he leave a message? Was it because he felt vulnerable to leave a message in fear that I would not return the call? I could not call him back if he did not leave me any message. My upbringing does not allow me to return calls to people who do not leave messages. I am not programmed that way!

Anyway, we finally talked again. He explained that he did not like talking to a machine. As my usual self, I said, “Next time, leave a message. Darn it!” He agreed. But guess what, he still calls without leaving me any message. It is so hard to train a new friend. I give up!